I’ve been writing these late at night; and frankly, I don’t know whether they’re bad or good. I’m writing crime haiku while half asleep, that’s all I know.   The subconscious is in charge.

These are again based on police blotter stories out of Grass Valley, a town that could be accused of anything  except restraint.

“They say I’m missing,
but I’m NOT missing, I’m here!
And I’m fine, really!!”

The proposition:
She’d burn down his trailer, or
he’d give her a smoke.
 
His tenant slugged him,
but he won’t file charges because
eviction is sweet.
 
He calls 911
and admits to random crimes
for the love of jail.
 
A note from her son
gave precise instructions for
finding his remains.
 
She stood in the road
and screamed at cars to hit her.
But none of them would.

He lay in the road,
and his wife couldn’t resist
running over him.

He was supposed to
buy food with her debit card.
Food, he didn’t buy.

Two naked people
making out in a hot tub
broke no laws at all.

A pistol in hand,
he sighted on his mother
and then walked away.

In working on a batch of haiku for my Kickstarter supporters, I downloaded several weeks’ worth of police blotter columns from the Grass Valley (CA) Union as source material — hundreds of items in one fell swoop, all dumped into one file.

And what I noticed that was any incident that took place on “Red Dog Road” had a one-in-four chance of being strange — that is, good haiku material. The usual hit rate is about one in forty.  There’s something odd about Red Dog Road.  So below find the haiku I wrote about Red Dog Road, with the original items.  Interested in a vacation home out that way?

11:05 p.m. — A caller from the 11000 block of Red Dog Road reported a dispute with yelling and screaming and people possibly throwing wood at each other. 

They scream, they bellow,
they throw wood at each other–
out on Red Dog Road.

6:19 p.m. — A caller on the 11000 block of Red Dog Road reported her neighbor for “roaring” again. 

“He’s roaring again!”
she complains of her neighbor
out on Red Dog Road

5:26 p.m. — A caller from the corner of Red Dog Road and Jasper Agate Court reported a woman with a backpack going into traffic and yelling at cars. 

She strides through traffic
and shouts at the passing cars
out on Red Dog Road.

3:51 p.m. — A man from Red Dog Road reported a woman was stalking him. 

A she stalks a he,
and the he is complaining
out on Red Dog Road.

3:52 p.m. — A caller from Chalk Bluff and Red Dog roads reported an attempted attack with a machete. The parties had been separated. A woman who is five months pregnant later filed a report alleging she had been shoved down in a dispute. 

They’re waving machetes
and shoving pregnant women
out on Red Dog Road

2:15 p.m. — A caller from Jasper Agate Court and Red Dog Road reported a man talking to a wall. 

It is reported
that a man talks to a wall
out on Red Dog Road.

A thought

Has anyone checked
for “things” in the well water
out on Red Dog Road?

It’s finally here: Police Blotter Haiku, the book! Follow the link to its page on Amazon.